Readers, we swear to you we are not making this up. What you’re about to read are genuine extracts from the SNP’s official new (probably illegal) Equalities Mechanism explanatory note, detailing what does and doesn’t count as a disability when it comes to jumping the queue for a regional list nomination.
And straight away it’s a real punch in the gut for firestarters, muggers, rapists, flashers and, in most cases, hay-fever sufferers. THIS BIGOTRY WILL NOT STAND.
It is also our sad duty to inform you that in 2021, the SNP feels the need to explain to its potential candidates that tattoos and piercings do not count as disabilities.
And you’re also right out of luck if you’re just a specky four-eyes.
But for some reason hearing aids seem to count, so good news for Morrissey.
(We hereby give our readers in Highlands & Islands region notice to expect universally beloved local party member and central Glasgow resident/councillor Rhiannon Spear to attempt to leapfrog all other Highland candidates on the basis of dyslexia.)
You can read the whole document here. Enjoy.